christmas 2018

spent it on my phone for 3 days

sister had baby too late and couldn’t come home to spend time with us

couldn’t do gifts so have to wait until i come back in feb to open and have “christmas”

my dog was injured while i was away

i’m sick

yay

i can tellmy bf wants to say i love you already (he quite possibly may feel it but i’m not there yet) so we settle for “i like you so much”

which is ok IMO

i honestly feel like my depression isn’t “enough” for my friends sometimes.

i either post too much about being sad and they’re upset that i don’t go to them first.

or i do go to them and they ask why i’m even depressed cause there’s nothing going on to be upset about.

just a never ending cycle. i always feel alone. when will i not feel this way.

when i open up to my friends, i’m reminded why i barely share anything anymore.

please don’t tell me how i should feel and why.

it always comes down to me feeling incredibly alone. quite possibly might always be this way.

if he ever wanted me, he wouldnt have left

the weirdest feeling is stumbling upon who your ex has moved onto. i have also moved on, but for some reason i was still cut deep.

at the same time- im happy that he has someone to make him happy throughout the holidays. even though he broke up with me, i want nothing more than for him to be happy.

is that what love is?

the way i feel right now gives me flashbacks to a time i never wanted to revisit. i don’t like it.

do you think it was a sign that a couple weeks before my 3 year relationship ended i got so drunk i locked myself out of my phone. deleting everything including all my photos i never backed up. which equals about the same amount of time we dated.

all memories, gone.

a few weeks after ph*l and i broke up, i lost my phone and all the photos attracted to that relationship as well.

cant help but think it all means something

i can’t do this

everseeing-eyes:

black-kurapika:

franz kafka be like: bitch im a bug 🐜 bitch im a bug 🐜 i am not a man 🙎‍♂️ i dont get hugs 😔